She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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