Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
