It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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