Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
