Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
