I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
