Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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