That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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