It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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