i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize