I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
