is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
