The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
