God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
