This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
