I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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