the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
