YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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