Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
