So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
