You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
