I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
