Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
