You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
