She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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