There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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