your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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