This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
