Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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