I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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