my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
