We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
