I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
