so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize