I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I know her cup size but not her name....
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