"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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