I can text with my tongue
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
