evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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