For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
