yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
