Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
