The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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