she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
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It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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