You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
