I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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