dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
