i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
