i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize