Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
