I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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