she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They took my balls.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
