Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
