like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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