You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize