Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
