I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
