I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
birth control should be required to get into college
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
