I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
