My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
only if we run a train.
done.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
