hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
