I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
