i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
