grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
