I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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