After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
the liver wants what the liver wants
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
