Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize