I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
