she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
