it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize