my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize