So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
