I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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