i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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