I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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