My room smells like vodka and shame
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize