wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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