Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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