You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
two words: eviction party
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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