Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
