mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
