2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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