Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
