Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
