I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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