I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We need to get me chipped asap
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
