Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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