2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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