why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
