i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
