i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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