there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
