I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
