so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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