so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
