go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
